Loving Myself: Having a Prolonged Sex Date with Myself–You don’t need a partner to go on an intimate date! Dr. Martha shares her personal experience with her own body and sensuality by going on a sex date with herself.
What is a Prolonged Sex Date
The idea of a prolonged sex date with myself came from my tantra supervisor Laurie Handlers. The premise of this is to give to ourselves before we give to others, and to love ourselves in a way that we need to love ourselves before we can truly love another.
Since there are so many layers of self-awareness and self-discovery that can be obtained through sex, sex is definitely a path of greater enlightenment, empowerment and wholeness—so why not a prolonged sex date with oneself?
During a recent short trip to Kuala Lumpur, I decided to devote one day to my prolonged sex date with myself. I brought along all the things I wanted to use on the date, and this is how it went.
Arrival at the Hotel
After arrival and lunch, I went window-shopping and came upon a pink heart-shape mobile. I decided to buy the pretty object as a keepsake of this self-declared sex-date.
When I returned to my hotel room at around 7pm, I realised that there was no bath tub. Rather than book another sex date just to soak in a tub, I was actually grateful that I will not have guilt around hurting the environment!
So I decided that my prolonged sex-date would officially start the next day. I then did my 30-minute Orgasmic Yoga practice for the day, showered, moisturized and anointed myself with a blend of essential oil that included a rose. I watched some television, then lay in bed massaging my whole body and manually stimulated my genitals, so that the orgasmic energy will move to my heart. I visualised the energy bringing the fragments of my broken heart together, and several memories came to mind. I wondered where this visualisation came from as I have never done it before, but it felt right.
Official Prolonged Sex Date Day
I woke naturally at 7 am, had a huge breakfast at the hotel, and returned to my room when I felt nudged by higher forces above to begin my prolonged sex date. I started with a shower, after which while still naked, I went physically around the room and added Reiki symbols at the corners of the room; the night before, I had marked the corners in my mind’s eye and invited my divine guides in to support me.
I felt led to turn on all the lights of the room. I put on music and did aura-soma cleansing by the window behind the day curtains, as I felt that I needed to be in the sun. Afterwards, I danced around the room, welcoming and showing my guides into my space. Next, I moisturised and anointed my body with oil, like last night, and also used Sensation oil blend by Young Living. I felt that doing so was anchoring and provided additional protection.
This ritual is for releasing the energy of past sexual partners. I had come prepared and began by putting my long white skirt over my breasts rather than over my hips—I did this whenever I felt that I needed some healing.
Sitting on the carpet and using the coffee table that was in front of the television, I set up the ritual—slips of paper with names of past sexual partners, a burner, a porcelain saucer. For each person, I went through a list of reflection questions.
- Why was I attracted to this person?
- Why was this person attracted to me?
- What emotions did I walk away with?
- What emotions did they walk away with?
- What did I learn?
Then I burned the names of each of them in the saucer. I looked at the smoke and visualised it also leaving my second chakra, effectively clearing the aura and energies of past partners. I also included on the list the names of unrequited loves or crushes whom I fantasised sexually about when younger.
I felt a great sense of release whenever I saw the paper burning. In the process, I could feel a lot of energy emitting from my second chakra. I felt emotionally drained after going through four or five names but I persisted as I did not want to set all this up again. After finishing the ritual, I flushed the ashes down the toilet, washed the saucer in the wash basin by using hot water to remove stubborn bits for good measure.
Coming to My Body
Even though the above ritual did not call for it, I had placed my vibrator over my clitoris throughout the above ritual to activate my sexual energy. I now proceeded to place the vibrator over my heart chakra for a good half hour. My body undulated many times as the energy moved up my body and out my crown. I thanked my guides.
Then I massaged my whole body twice with my hands, taking my time and rushing nothing. I used my vibrator to also massage my body, including the bones of my rib cage, jaw, skull and teeth. Several times during this process, I visualised love spreading through my body like liquid. I repeatedly told myself loving messages. I could feel myself strengthening and expanding energetically several times, and maintaining it.
Next, I regulated the energy with my breathing and pelvic floor squeezes, did transmutation breaths, and sent the energy towards a few intentions: a better relationship with money and self, and to attracting romantic love. I did the same again after stimulating my vulva and vagina with the vibrator. I had several orgasms, including full-body orgasms but I did not keep count. I was more interested to use this energy for healing and for good, and it kept building up as I focused on myself. I chose to trust that I could get everything done and continued devoting this time to me.
At 3 pm, I took a break and typed this. The sex date with myself had already lasted for at least five hours. The sky opened up, and I was happy to be indoors with the sound of thunder and heavy rain; I felt cleansed and complete. I felt light and a great love for myself.
I decided to continue and go gentler with myself. Laying in bed while watching television, I focused on the intention of love to continue spreading through my body from head to toe. I infused loving thoughts and messages into my body repeatedly until around 1 am. Intermittently, I applied Balance—an essential oil blend that includes orange, lavender, and rose—on my whole body. As I experienced the sensation, I had an epiphany: it was comparable to the feelings of being in love, which I am so familiar with.
I enjoy feeling or being in love and was sad for many years previously whenever I had no relationship or romantic love in my life. As I am a Libra, I am a romantic. Growing up, I was in love with the idea of being in love. I would find a romantic interest, even if unrequited so that I could fantasize about love and in so doing, feel alive.
This subtle sensation of love is well and alive as I send love to myself instead of to somebody or somewhere else. So why not send it to me from now on? Love is love, but the quality of it is just different.
I had toilet breaks in-between, ate two fruits I had taken from the breakfast table, and slept at around 1 am. I checked out of the hotel the next day, after doing my Orgasmic Yoga practice for the day.
I wish I:-
- Had known about the healing power of going on a prolonged sex date earlier; it is a beautiful practice.
- Had thought longer and prepared better for this prolonged sex date with myself—the missing bath-tub being something that I left out completely.
- Fully appreciated the importance of not just loving myself, but in sending love to myself first then to others. Where does that energy go? I need and deserve some of it too!
- Knew how powerful the use of fire in a ritual was. ‘Don’t play with fire’ is another fear that I need to release.
- Recognised how the fantasy of being in love, the desire of being in a relationship, and the longing to feel complete all actually make me feel bad and depletes my energy. I need to first be whole to attract a whole person.
I commit to:-
- Going on more prolonged sex dates with myself. I would like to do one at least twice a year. If not, once a month.
- Booking bigger, better, and nicer hotels because I feel inspired and orgasmic in beautiful spaces.
- Giving myself more luxurious experiences that make me feel alive and happy.
- Doing a similar fire ritual, this time with my relationship with money.
- Continue infusing my body with love and loving messages.
Sharing with more people about my prolonged sex date and to encourage more people to go on one.