You are Truly Beautiful—Finding, Accepting and Embracing Your Inner Sexy–Everyone is attractive, we just have to find it in us and embrace it. Clinical sexologist Dr Martha Lee shows you how to bring out your true beauty.

If I was given a dollar each time that I am asked how one can appear sexier to the opposite gender, I would be rich. However, there are several flaws inherent to this question.

 You are Truly Beautiful—Finding, Accepting and Embracing Your Inner SexyWhat is Sexy?

Why would you feel the need to appear sexier? You are essentially saying that there is something fundamentally wrong or not good enough for you. Are you being ‘sexy’ for others or for yourself? It seems to imply that the reason why you have not met your mate is that there is something wrong with you, and not with what you are doing.

Why appear sexier?

I take great offense with the word ‘appear’. Are you saying you are not sexy enough, and need to fake sexy? How about identifying with your inner beauty or vixen, and being sexy from inside out instead?

Why the fixation with sexier? Are you feeling the pressure to act up because of societal expectations of a single person? Are you being influenced by media portrayals of what it means to be desirable? The assumption is that appearing sexier is what will attract the opposite gender. Sure, it works sometimes, but would it work to attract the kind of guy you want?

Who went out and decided what sexy was for the rest of us? What sexy means to me is very different from what sexy means to you. By trying to ‘appear sexy’, you are assuming so many things including that there is only one kind of sexy. What does ‘one kind of sexy’ mean, anyway?

For ladies, could it be short skirts, high heels, natural makeup, clear complexion, long hair, dangling earrings, gigantic boobs? For men, maybe it is a fancy car, a fancier career, and a body to match?

What happens then? What if you are not sexy in the way the world says you ought to be? Does that make you a failure? A social outcast? A reject? Who decides?

Be Attractive

I would instead rephrase the question because it is so misleading on so many levels. So, the real question should be: How can I be more attractive?

Note how I removed ‘appear’ and replaced ‘sexy’. Also realize that I eliminated the words ‘for the opposite gender’ because what is the fun in being sexy, attractive, etc. for the sake of others? How about for your sake instead?

The answer to ‘How can I be more attractive?’ has to be this:

To be a more attractive person, I have to BE all that I am meant to be.

In actionable terms: Do inner work. Go deep within. Find out—exactly—what the true identity of this person you are, is.

The more you learn about yourself, what you stand for, and what is important to you, the more you come into your ‘being’ or power. You can only be a wonderful lover or attractive partner when you are a wonderful and attractive person yourself.

And you are wonderful and attractive—you just do not believe it. It is only you who doubts that you have this ‘star’ quality.

Yet it is easy to see the potential and the magnificence in you.

It is rare that I come across somebody that I do not find attractive. It is because my definition of attractive is deeper than the surface. I look within, I dig, and I often find the treasure inside: the essence of the person, the substance, and what the person is truly made of.

It is unshakable, irremovable, irreplaceable, and becomes only more beautiful with time and age. This is the space I hold for my clients and you alike. You are truly beautiful.